boyfriend by april - C28 Christian Forum Discussion

hey all. i'm struggling with something in my life and was hoping for some advice and guidance.

i am a christian and care very much about following God and His plan for me. i believe in dating with the intention of marriage, and in staying pure before marriage.
however, something has come up in my life that is greatly confusing to me. i have fallen in love with someone who is not a Christian. i realize that's no reason to start a relationship, so i declined when he asked me to be his girlfriend. i had the understanding that God did not want us with non-Christians. but since then, we have basically become boyfriend and girlfriend, and now i don't know how to go backwards.

this boy has helped me overcome a lot of things i know God has been wanting me to overcome and i feel as though having this person in my life is a good thing. he respects my beliefs and has never pressured me into anything that goes against my beliefs. he believes in God and was raised a Christian, but does not call himself one now because of how his parents negatively approached teaching him about God (telling him every bad thing he did was because he was a bad person/God was punishing him, and telling him every good thing was completely because of God and that he didn't do anything good on his own). i definitely believe all thanks should go to God for everything in our lives, but it is not as black and white as his parents believe.

anyway, i feel very confused about this situation because i care so much about this boy and am (foolishly?) hoping for the best. is this wrong? i don't feel led by God in one way or another.
any advice would be greatly appreciated :) thank you!

6 replies on this topic

John - 9/17/12 @ 8:25 PM

try telling him how you feel. Try to show him the right path of Christianity and what the bible teaches so he understands what it's really about. If you feel you should only date a Christian guy and he still doesn't want to be Christian then be honest with him.

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Stephanie - 9/18/12 @ 8:30 PM

I have been in two relationships with non-Christians. As much as I loved them, God reveled to me that it would never work. Here is why: You belong to Jesus, he does not. Within a relationship, the man has God given leadership and whether you like it r not, you will be swayed by him, he will not be swayed by you.

God has calls us to be faithful to Him and to put Him first. We cannot do that when we make a conscience decision to stay in a relationship with someone that we are not equally yoked with.
In order for a relationship to be healthy, a guy must demonstrate that he can be your Spiritual leader. This ability MUST be confirmed before a dating relationship is even on the table. Who he is when you marry him is who he will be for the entire relationship. You CANNOT change him. Only the Holy Spirit can work change in his heart. Therefore, developing a relationship with a guy who has not demonstrated his ability to be your Spiritual leader is dangerous territory; it invites emotional ties into a relationship that has not yet proved itself stable.

If he is not even a Christian, you are walking on very thin ice. I know its not easy to hear and probably not the advice you were looking for. But I would never want to watch someone else go through what I have been through. I had to end both relationships. The last one (ended in March) took its toll on me. My emotions were shattered and my faith was shaken and still I struggle with my faith. So many doubts about God can find a place in your heart when you invite someone to find a place in your heart who, by definition as a non-Christian human being, are at enmity with God and opposed to His righteousness. We are not even supposed to give a foothold to the devil, and trust me, this is a battle over your heart for sure.

Im not saying that you shouldnt hope for the best, or that you must break up with your boyfriend (i dont know how he responds to God). What I am saying is be very careful....it is very easy to "hope for the best" all the way into your own physical, emotional and spiritual destruction.

He also cannot love you as Christ loved the church if he is opposed to Christ. The concept of being equally yoked is for your protection. Please be very careful. Im here to chat if you want to shoot me an email stephnie.haines@live.com or add me on facebook (Stephanie Faith)

KingsKid2 - 9/20/12 @ 9:01 AM

Stephanie, this is such important stuff! Thank you for posting your experience and advice. I definitely agree with you.

Kevin - 9/20/12 @ 6:30 PM

Evil companionships corrupt good character. 1 Corinthians 15:33

Elena - 9/20/12 @ 8:26 PM

Stephanie gave some awesome advice! Can't add much more. I will definitely be praying about the situation. I encourage you to pray and read your bible. Ask the Lord to speak to you and make his will known. Wishing you the best, blessings!

Melanie - 9/21/12 @ 9:34 PM

I dont know how old you are, but if you are young and not well-grounded in your faith, you may have difficulties... I mean, you say that you just kinda became boyfriend and girlfriend.... that just doesnt magically happen on its own. :)

I know that with my close friends that are not believers I have to be VERY careful to stay in Gods word, to pray continually, and to not let compromise seep in. Its a constant battle, but I also believe that the Lord does NOT intend us to live in a Christian bubble.

If you can make sure you are in the word DAILY, prayer throughout the day and are in church regularly you may be okay. I'd say *honestly* take this issue before the Lord and be honest with yourself about what He is speaking to your heart. I believe you will have your answer. :)