ughhh!... i need help by hope - C28 Christian Forum Discussion

hey yall, i debated on putting this on here just bc its a lil peronsal i guess. but i need help.
ok so i have this really good guy friend, one of my best friends actually. well hes always really liked me but i have never had those feeling for him. well last time we hung out he kissed me. and it was slightly wierd then the nest day he kept trying to even tho i said no severalll times.. so since all this the "kiss" is all he will tk about to anyone! his friends my sister me. and its not that hes like running his mouth or anything. hes just a supper shy guy, has never had a relationship,etc so i guess hes just really excited?.. but its gotten very awkward now.. he calls 24/7, txt me 24/7 and if i dont answer he'll keep writing me until i do. i just dont know what to do. im slightly aggravated, annoyed.. but i dont know want to be mean bc i know hes not trying to be that way.. i dont want to tell him hes annoying me bc that would hurt him.. i just dont know what to do yall.. i really dont want to come across has being ugly or hurt him.. please help me!

10 replies on this topic

Stephanie - 4/5/12 @ 9:36 PM

Okay girl. I'm just going to be straight forward with you. I have been in two relationships with guys that were wrong for me.

In both cases, I was trying to be a nurturer. That's what women do, we are nurturers, and this can be extremely dangerous. But this nurturing mind lead me to stay with people for a long time in part because I didnt want to hurt them (even though I knew that the relationship wasnt right).

I know that you said you were not interested in this guy in that way, but you also said that you were scared to tell him how you feel because he might get hurt. In my honest opinion, you need to (lovingly) tell him that he needs to stop texting/calling you. You need to tell him that it is inappropriate for him to continue texting you after you have expressed to him that you are not interested in that way. You need to tell him that by continuing to call and text you non-stop he is intruding on your privacy and your personal space. You need to tell him that his behavior is is beginning to frustrate you and that if it continues, it will ruin your friendship. tell him that if he does not stop, that you will not be able to hang out with him anymore.

Make sure that he knows that you are serious, but also that you do value his friendship. Be firm, but be loving. You MUST stand up for yourself and what you believe to be right. You are only responsible for your own actions, you cannot control what he is feeling or how he takes what you have to say, but you must not compromise and go along with something that makes you uncomfortable in a relationship/friendship, EVER. If he really cares about you, he will respect the boundaries that you set forth. :)

flag as inappropriate

KingsKid - 4/6/12 @ 10:36 AM

I totally agree with Stephanie. If he is a godly guy who cares, he will respect you and comply with your wishes.

hope - 4/6/12 @ 12:03 PM

thank yall so much for the advice. it really does help this situation alot and i feel like i know more of what i need to do now. so i guess.. im going to try and when i do i will right bk and tell yall what happens.. thank you for your support.

Jordan*Hester - 4/6/12 @ 11:03 PM

I agree with Stephanie. A Taser and a flamethrower is another option.

KingsKid - 4/7/12 @ 10:14 AM

You're welcome Hope. I hope it all goes well for you.

hope - 4/8/12 @ 11:00 AM

bahaa although the taser and flame thrower is a funny option i think i will do with out! bahahaa

CraigSnedeker - 4/8/12 @ 7:22 PM

Jordon, hahahaha!

Hope, not really knowledgeable in this area but I'd def say that he's being a bit pushy and I would never dream of doing that to a girl.

He'll get over it if you tell him to back off a little.

Sarah32 - 4/11/12 @ 9:20 PM

The most loving thing you could do for him, Hope, would be to tell him you could never have feelings for him and verbally lay out your boundaries. Many times, you do have to be blunt (but with gentleness and love). Pray for wisdom in this situation about how to erect your boundaries. You may even want to tell him not to hang out with you further until he completely surrenders the situation to God. It's all a tough thing to do, I know, but you'll only hurt him further if you don't tell him the truth and verbally tell him what should change in your friendship (i.e.: no persistent & inappropriate texts, a specification on how many times he can call, etc.)

Sarah - 4/12/12 @ 1:26 PM

I totally agree with what they said! Good advice. He needs to respect you.

hope - 4/13/12 @ 11:33 AM

thank yall so much for all the advice. he is actually bk in town this weekend so i am going to tk to him.. wish me luck! ps. yall are awesome, Godbless!