ok....so this is awkward but i need help.
first thing first is i lost my virginity last year back when i wasnt living for God
now i regret it im not even with that guy any more (thank you Lord)
im now in a relationship with another guy he is awesome and wonderful and just great. we talked a few weeks ago about how i regret it and i feel sick every time i think about how i was so stupid to think i would be with the other guy forever and thats still not an excuse to have sex before marige.
anyway... i told my bf that i dont want to um... "mess around" >_< and he completly suports my decisions :) but my problem is is that we still have "messed around" since then and iv regreted it both times but.....grr...i don know what to do. help? advice? anyone?
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44 replies on this topic
corro13 - 6/16/11 @ 8:37 PM
recommended a book on your wall, but, one thing might be to not allow yourself to be in a situation where you can "mess around". and you might want to talk with him again. hope this helps. ^_^
PutHisBloodOnIt - 6/17/11 @ 6:32 AM
You should both break up because u both shown you are not ready to be in a relationship. Your both putting your fleshly desires before God. I know you dont want to here that but its thr truth. I think you both have no business being in a relationship with anyone you need to be concentrating on your relationship with God.
KingsKid - 6/17/11 @ 12:22 PM
I just finished reading this book yesterday and it was so beautiful and touching. I recommend it for you.
When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy.
Sarah32 - 6/17/11 @ 4:47 PM
Write down your boundaries and stand firm with them. It's usually good to add specifics like..."I am going to ensure I am not alone with any guy with my bedroom door closed." Sign it as a contract to God if you need to, saying from this point further, you pledge to be pure. Have no fear hun, PURITY IS STILL AN OPTION!:) "Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool." (Is. 1:18)
Ask God to give you wisdom in this area, and from there always keep in mind the REASONS WHY you want to stay pure whenever you feel tempted. (I.e: honoring God and being obedient to Him, taking a new step forward and ensuring you are as pure as possible for your future husband, negative emotional repercussions, etc.
Sit down and talk to your boyfriend about your boundaries (again BE SPECIFIC). Telling him you simply don't want to have sex can sometimes lead to doing everything BUT having sexual intercourse. Tell him you want to be pure for your God who loves you. If he can't respect your boundaries, he's just not worth it, hun. And if this guy is not committed to God, I would encourage you to seriously reconsider your relationship with him. You are worth a wonderful future which is one of the many reasons God wants you to remain sexually pure.<3
Marshall - 6/18/11 @ 4:43 AM
This wont be a very long post
but the best thing is probably
to write Ephesians 20:14 on your hand
That says "Do not commit adultery"
So everytime your about to "mess around"
you can just look at your hand
or only meet him in public places :)
joseBloodBought - 6/18/11 @ 12:33 PM
@phboi Hit the nail on the head. You need to get out of this relationship and focus on your relationship with God. Its boggles my mind that the best advice that youve been given (other than that of phboi) is to read a book. You need to be secure in your standing with the Lordf before you worry about engaging in COURTSHIP(not dating). And you my dear friend are not spiritually ready. Focus on the Lord.
joseBloodBought - 6/18/11 @ 12:34 PM
phboi if there was a like button for your post id click it
kaitlynn nicoleee - 6/18/11 @ 7:47 PM
@phboi i know you are giving me advice but you could have put it a better way! i mean i have been with him for almost four months n i know that doesnt seem like a long time but he means alot to me i cant just break up with him im asking for advice as to how to get out of situations where we might do stuff like this
he does support me its just we are both tempted at times
@marshall thanks thats a great idea
@sarah32 this is also a good idea thanks :)
im reacently reading a book called i kissed dating goodbye and it sounds like it has some good advice in it
Cody - 6/18/11 @ 10:43 PM
@phboi what if "breaking up" doesn't work? This is a real question... like I have broke up with someone and the temptation still take its course simply because we were always around each other... Now I can see how you could say "well don't hang around each other" but when a relationship stops being "hey we are now dating because facebook says so" and there comes that... intimacy; for a lack of a better word, where dating becomes a real "I like this person in every aspect of who she is whether it be for better or worst" and you don't want to just get married because then you have a high risk of divorce... then what do you do? sorry, that got lengthy but idk...
PutHisBloodOnIt - 6/19/11 @ 12:14 AM
@ kaitlynn nicoleee for one I am not gonna sit here and tell you what you want to hear just for the sake of looking like a nice guy, its honestly what you both need to do for YOUR own good and HIS own good. Your only 15 years old you are so young and dont need the temptation of committing adultry. So basically your admitting you are wanting to satisfy your fleshly desires because you like him so much and are willing to disobey God rather than being obedient to the father. I have a book that will help with your situation its called "The Bible" read what it has to say about obedience,sin,adultry etc...
@Cody being tempted is not sinful, acting on temptation is a sin. If someone has problems controlling themself with a bf or gf no matter what age they need to first repent and then correct the problem by making a wise decision. The holy spirit can provide us with wisdom in any situation.
My answers or advice may seem harsh but do you think Jesus would honestly tell this girl to stay in this relationship? What do you think Jesus would say to her?
kaitlynn nicoleee - 6/19/11 @ 12:38 PM
im not disobeying God by going out with him!! its when we do thing that are sinful that is disobeying
Zombie Pickles - 6/19/11 @ 12:53 PM
@PHBOI I think that Jesus would say what you said, but in a less harsh way. I can see how Kaitlynn is mad at you. I think what you ae saying is right but it sounds sorta mean.
corro13 - 6/19/11 @ 2:14 PM
ah, i didnt notice your 15, i never read profiles, even if i post on the wall, at that age, and considering its only been a year, i would also say break up, the only reason to date someone is if you think you'll marry them, and seeing as you arent likely to get married at 15, i would say dont date until youre out of highschool.^_^
PutHisBloodOnIt - 6/19/11 @ 5:47 PM
Well often times Jesus was very blunt and offended many people but he also told them what they needed to hear. I was giving my advice to her not to be mean but to help her and tell her what I thought would be best not only for her but also her boyfriend. Im sure if her parents knew she was engaging in these acts they probably would not allow her to date, im sure her pastor would also giver her the same advice but in nicer words I suppose. I guess thats why I am not a pastor lol She can be mad at me all she wants but if she wants the truth and an honest opinion from someone now she knows she can come to me.
Richie - 6/19/11 @ 9:48 PM
Book "Dateable".....great book, a must read for ya I think and it is not too long for the amount of wisdom it shares, I read it in one night, also pray intently about it. Ask yourself where does this man stand with God? another thing, you say that your not disobeying God by being with him, your only disobeying God by "messing around"...now I'm not saying you are disobeying God by being with him, but I am saying that it is very well possible that you are, it all depends, ....Truly phboi was quite blunt and I can see how you would take offense to his or her original comment, but that's probably also because you are 15 and in either love or puppy love which both can be quite intoxicating and seem impossible to resist, also there is a maturity factor, not saying that you are immature for your age just saying I myself being 21 still have maturing to do so I know you do also, trust me when I say I've been there, done that,,and more, phboi may very well be right,especially on the notion of Matthew 5:29 If your right eye causes you to sin pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish than for your entire body to be cast into hell...However, I'm not directly saying that phboi is right, that is more or less between you and God... but for only being 15 and only being together for 4 months, sure you may really care about him, but the last girl that I really cared about I no longer even talk to, I still love her and want to talk to her very badly, but I don't...and you may feel at the moment that you "can't just break up with him" but you can, not saying you should, just saying if you should, if that's what God want's you to do, you really can, you don't have to stay with him just because you care about him. I care about many of my friends that I no longer hang out with.... Think God cares about his son,,yet sent Him to excruciating(which the word actually means from the cross) pain and torture to die on a cross for all of us.. bigger sacrifice than a boyfriend. Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son for God....sorry for the lengthiness, I type like I talk which is usually a lot, but I'm sorry if any of my message offends you, absolutely not my intention, but like phboi, I only say what I feel is needed not what one wants to hear....I hope this maybe reaches to ya a bit maybe makes ya think a bit...I'm not telling you to break up with him, My 'opinion' is that you probably should, but that's between you and God.....If I did offend you please don't neglect looking into the following resources because of it because they may be very helpful and one of them you may really enjoy listening to..1. "dateable" the book...2. some songs from lecrae- Wait http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI1lrmMWwq0 , Good life, like that. 3. trip lee "lookin for love" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8xWEhij5L0 ....as I said if ya don't like what I said please put your personal feelings aside and still look into this......"the whole world says you should be datin but God says you should be servin Him while you're patiently waitin." God bless :)
Cody - 6/19/11 @ 10:26 PM
@Phboi I didn't ask in argument with you but more as an authentic question more for me than for her actually... lol but I have to pint out this verse. "being tempted is not sinful, acting on temptation is a sin"
Mathew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Which to me says if you are tempted to commit adultery or any sin for that matter, if you think of doing that sin then you have committed that sin already as far as your heart is concerned.
idk its just the verse that came to mind when you said that
PutHisBloodOnIt - 6/20/11 @ 6:02 AM
Good point Cody but in that specific verse you have to look at the context in which it is written. Jesus was tempted in the desert, we are tempted everyday and I dont care who you are we all have urges to sin everyday but the temptations or urges itself are not sinful, its when you give into them just because we are mentally tempted does not mean we are sinning. But we can be trained and guided by the spirit to flee and resist temptation almost instantly.
Zombie Pickles - 6/20/11 @ 10:18 AM
Yeah. Temptation isn't a sin, otherwise JEsus would have sinned and he wouldn't have been teh perfect sacrifice. etc etc.
@PHBOI Good point about being blunt. But the part when you said "I have a book that will help with your situation its called "The Bible" read what it has to say about obedience,sin,adultry etc..." I didn't like the way that sounded sarcastic and stuff because you can be blunt and you will offend people but try to be gentler when you say stuff like that.
IDk if you meant what you said in a loving tone. It is hard to tell over the internet.
PutHisBloodOnIt - 6/20/11 @ 10:49 AM
You nailed it right on the head zombie its tough to tell if someone is being sarcastic or not over the internet.
Zombie Pickles - 6/20/11 @ 12:22 PM
Ok, so if you weren't trying to be sarcastic I am sorry for saying what I did.