Someone tells you that they cut themselves, what would you do?
Someone tells you that they're suicidal, what would you do?
Someone tells you that they're anorexic, what would you do?
I ask this because I went to a talk today by Brett Ullman called The Wounding Embrace, which is basically a talk on self-injury. I'll post a bunch of stuff that he talked about later, I'm just curious as to what people's initial reactions would be.
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46 replies on this topic
kelly - 4/8/11 @ 4:44 PM
I believe and have been told, hurt people, hurt people. That does include themselves. There has to be a root reason why they would want to do that. A hurtful past, one that is lonely or unlovable. To reach someone who is hurting inside and out this way, you have to let they know how much you care and that Jesus cares and loves them no matter who they are or where they have been. Jesus loves us no matter what we've done in our past and until they know that, the hurt won't go away so they can begin to heal. Just show 'em some love, the deepest "Godly" love you can... one step at time.
Chris Breshears - 4/8/11 @ 8:04 PM
Best thing to do, is let them know that people care about them. And if they're comfortable with it, pray over them.
Just spend time with them. Get to know them.
Gabriella - 4/9/11 @ 1:49 AM
well.. i must agree i could be the 'someone' in all 3 questions..:(
KingsKid - 4/9/11 @ 10:35 AM
You need to be there for them. That is a very big thing because many times they are feeling this because someone who should have looked after them has rejected them.
You should pray for them, whether with them or when you are thinking of them throughout the day. God can heal anyone from any problem!
Share Bible verses with them if they are open to that and try to share the love of Jesus.
Don`t give pat answers to questions that they ask such as: if they say, "How do I look today?" and you say, " Hey, great!" and just go on with whatever you were doing. Really care and mean what you say.
KingsKid - 4/9/11 @ 10:37 AM
Gabriella, I will be praying for you! And if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here! Jezus will give you vreugde!
Zombie Pickles - 4/9/11 @ 10:51 AM
Tell someone. They will be angry at you. They will feel like you betrayed them or something. But TELL SOMEONE. Telling you is a cry for help.
I told my mom that someone showed me her cuts, my mom told my dad, my dad told my youth pastor and my youth pastor, by law, had to tell her parents. She was angry for one Sunday. Then I told her that I still loved her and was praying for her she calmed down a little bit....
Ariel - 4/10/11 @ 2:53 PM
I'm impressed with your guy's responses! :) K, this is what we learned:
-"Pray to God, you'll be fine" is not the answer to someone who comes to you with a problem
-self harm isn't a failed suicide attempt
-IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU'RE CRAZY if you self harm!!!
-people do it to either feel less or more, to cope, feel relief, release from tension, to stay alive.
-stereotypes mean nothing. Anyone in the world can cut themselves or any other form of self injury. I mean, I was there, and many people would have never guessed. There's no limit on age either
-the cycle is : negative emotions -> tension -> disassociation -> self injury -> positive effects -> negative effects
-the WORST reason to stop is because of pressure from family and friends.
-YOU ARE NOT YOUR LABEL. So, if you cut yourself, you are not a "cutter" , it's not something you are, it's something you do.
-you have to stop for yourself, but not by yourself
-write out the things that work for you when you want to cut or whatever, like, playing guitar, going for a walk, etc.
-you have to ask them if they're ready to stop. Do they have a support system? Alternatives? a place to go to get away? Can they get rid of harmful objects? (that one can be hard because you can use just about anything), have you told 2 or 3 people? Are you willing to feel uncomfortable, scared and frusterated? Can you think about it without doing it? do YOU want to?
-WE as supporters need to be confident, optimistic, empathetic, knowledgable, and understanding
I think that lots of people are just clueless when it comes to self injury. Maybe this helped a bit?
Some awesome quotes: "Kick at the darkness until it bleeds light"
"Do or do not. There is no try."-Yoda
Ariel - 4/10/11 @ 2:55 PM
Oh, and I'm not sure if I agree with telling someone. If you think it's threatening to their life, then yes, definitely tell someone! But if they are just cutting as a way of coping, it needs to be their choice to get help. Encourage them!! Like I said before...self harm is NOT a failed suicide attempt
Zombie Pickles - 4/10/11 @ 3:46 PM
Good point. Another reason I told someone is because I was 11 at the time and when you're 11 you don't quite know how to cope with it. When she told me it really did shock me and I remmber hearing everywhere I go that, "If someone tells you a secret that will or might cause them harm, tell your parents" so, being in the position I did.
You're right, it does need to be their descision to get help, she was already getting a bunch of help from her school counseler and what not. But I think that if someone close to you shows you cuts, I think their parents have the right to know.
But the main reason I told someone is because I would'nt be able to keep that a secret for more than a few hours.
Ariel - 4/10/11 @ 3:54 PM
Yeah, I mean I understand your situation. I've only been in your situation a couple of times, but I've usually been on the other end. I cut for about 2 years now and still sometimes struggle with it, and I was suicidal in january. If someone would have told my parents, I would have felt like I was living in prison. So I guess it's different for everyone.
Zombie Pickles - 4/10/11 @ 7:51 PM
I really hope that isn't what it feels like for her. I would feel awful. But honestly, I think it was good for her. But it would be really nice if you'd pray for her. Because she accepted christ at a youth retreat then hasn't come to church since. I haven't seen her in about three months and she isn't answering texts or Facebook....
Ariel - 4/10/11 @ 8:43 PM
I will pray for her.
Do you think she's mad at you?
Yeah, I think for everyone it's different
Nicole - 4/10/11 @ 11:03 PM
Ariel. I totally understand you. I mean, I used to cut to, and if anyone went to my parents, I would feel like I was living in a prison. The more I leaned on God though, the less I cut. A few days ago was my fourth month, cut free (=
Zombie Pickles - 4/11/11 @ 7:09 AM
No, I don't think she's mad anymore. It was only one awkward Sunday.
Thank you. :)
@ Nicole! YAAY I'm so happy for you! I really want to give you a big giant bear hug. Can you feel it? I'm giving it to you right now..........
Ariel - 4/11/11 @ 10:48 AM
Nicole, that's so exciting!!! :D There's always the thought in the back of my mind though that maybe it'll fix things, you know? Gotta cling to Christ in those times.
Leah T - 4/11/11 @ 1:37 PM
I say tell. I was a cutter for nearly eight years and every time I knew someone saw them I wished they would've told. I wanted help so bad but I was so addicted to it that I couldn't bring myself to admit I wanted help. It got to the point that I needed 55 stitches because I couldn't stop myself. I understand how some of you who have cut can say you wouldn't want someone else to have told but for some people need intervention.
As for suicide: MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE is don't tell a suicidal person how much it'll hurt everyone if you kill yourself. Don't guilt trip them. When I was suicidal I already felt guilty because I was a burden on everyone and that I was already constantly hurting them so the last thing I need was more guilt on top of that. And suicide isn't typically a rational choice so you can't argue with them. A suicidal person needs prayer and professional help. Unless your a professional get out of the way and let them help because more likely you'll only make things worse. This is coming from someone who had been hospitalized 8 times, committed and then institutionalized.
My first psych ward trip was the result of an intervention ambush in which my two best friends told their parents and their parents told mine. I am eternally grateful and I'm still best friends with them.
Cutting may not be a precursor to suicide but that doesn't mean it can't be deadly. The chances of severe infection is REALLY high...and not fun!!
Ariel - 4/11/11 @ 1:47 PM
@Leah, yeah, like I said, it's different for everyone. If I knew that someone saw them, I think I would have wanted them to confront me, but not to tell anyone else.
When Brett Ullman was speaking, he said that one girl said to him that when her family found out, they couldn't stop obsessing over her health, and she said that she couldn't believe that at this point, they thought her health would matter to her.
Zombie Pickles - 4/11/11 @ 2:42 PM
@Ariel But having never experienced it before, the only thing I knew to do was to tell. I don't think her parents did that to her. I'm sure they told her counseler, who probably deals with things like that a lot. The only thing is that the counseler isn't Christian....
Ariel - 4/11/11 @ 2:47 PM
@ZombiePickles, you were 11!! How would you know any better, right? I think that when you're that young, yeah, that's probably the only thing you want to do.
I'm just saying like, right now for me, I don't talk to my parents much, and they would freak out to know that i cut and was suicidal, you know? it would not be good for me, personally. I'm not saying that goes for everyone else. And I have started seeing a counselor every once in a while too, they do help. It does also help though if they are christian
Nicole - 4/11/11 @ 3:34 PM
@zombie pickles - I totally just felt that hug. I am sending a you a return hug xD
@Ariel - I know exactly what you mean by cling to Him... somedays are just bad days and I think I wAnt to. Then I remember one ofmy fave bible verses says to treat your body like a temple. Thats what keeps me going sometimes.