Desperate for some advice! by Kyle - C28 Christian Forum Discussion

Okay, so one of the guitarists in my band and also one of my best friends, Eric, has entered into what me and the other guys are calling a 'disastrous relationship.' He asked her out after only knowing her for a week! They've been going out for about 1 week now. But that's not the problem. The problem is that everyone knows that she sleeps around with guys like no other and is one of the biggest (excuse the language) whores in the school. She's also what we call a 'pothead'. Eric is a really good guy and if he knew all these things he would NOT have gotten into this. Eric was unaware of this though because he just moved here a few months ago and so now he doesn't believe ANYONE when they try telling him about her. He says that we just have to stop believing everything we hear, even though we know for a fact she sleeps around and just wants to get in his pants. He's already threatened to leave the band after we just tried talking to him about it calmly. We're stuck and don't know what to do. We really care about Eric and know this girl is NOT for him and is just going to end up hurting him. What should I/we do???

26 replies on this topic

Samuel - 3/5/11 @ 7:30 AM

Just be there for him dudes it sounds like unless you get solid evidence (and that might not even work) he won't believe you... so... Just be there for him and keep encouraging him to tread lightly... I dated a girl like that at a point in time where my faith was very week and I wish I would have had friends like you to try to help me so I would have had a better chance of not making the mistakes I did... my "friends" encouraged the mistakes I made... Keep doing what your doing and be there for him... And please don't tell him "I told you so"... that would be bad. and when it comes to that point just remember Job's friends what they did right to comfort him and what they did wrong

That is just my take on it... I'm sure someone else has much better advice

flag as inappropriate

Stephanie - 3/5/11 @ 7:37 AM

Well, first of all you need to pray for him. If he wont let you talk to him about it then see what happens if you ask him to bring her to band practice and to hang out and stuff. Maybe it is all just rumors, maybe it is not either way, if you alienate him, then you will lose all ability to influence him at all. Plus, you guys have an opportunity to show her Jesus as well. If he starts pulling away and wont do that, well you might want to consider talking to him again, even if it temporarily breaks up the band. At that point, he is more important than the band and if he is entering into something detrimental, he may need to hear things he doesnt want to hear.

That being said, if you do talk to him about it, dont accuse her of stuff. He is obviously on the defensive so you need to join the defensive too, otherwise you are the offender - know what I mean?

Is he a Christian? If so, tell him you need to talk. Dont bring her up immediately. Tell him that you are concerned for him. Talk about purity and guarding your heart, ect. Use scripture. Dont be harsh or accusatory - speak the truth in love. But also, be aware that these could be rumors, once someone gets a "label" even if it isnt true other people do often join in on the "fun" of reinforcing the label by saying that they have evidence of it. I think your best bet is really to try and get to know her, if you dont all your frined is going to see is you judging her. biggest thing, pray pray pray - ask God for wisdom, He says that He will give wisdom to those who ask.

Hope thats somewhat helpful :)

PutHisBloodOnIt - 3/5/11 @ 9:05 AM

sometimes just simply you have to let people learn from their own mistakes. And when he does find out the truth he is gonna trust you guys more because he will see that you are telling the truth. Like stated before just be there for him and when he finds out the truth be compassionate dont belike dude told you so!

Japlace - 3/5/11 @ 10:04 AM

Pray, and you kinda have to let God talk to Him about it directly, and you guys just pray and don't talk directly about it. PRAY. Sounds like anything you say just causes division, and so you have to believe that God will work it out. You have given warning, and he seems to want to see the best in her (which is good, however girls [and guys, don't get me wrong] can be very deceptive, especially if they don't know the Lord).

What kinda music do you play? Believe it or not, the kind of music you play has a role in this situation.

Kyle - 3/5/11 @ 12:11 PM

Hey guys, thanks for all the help! Truly appreciated! But there's a new development to the story. My other really good friend that plays guitar just left the band because he was sick of the drama (as i am) and there were some nasty words exchanged between the two. Now i'm left to decide whether to stay with my friend eric, or go with my other friend to form a new band..uggh!! Soo im stuck and dont know what to do..again...I will most certainly pray about it and have already sent a few prayers up. I trust that this is just one of God's weird ways of taking my life in a new direction and I know that with His help something good will come out of this.

We play rock, hard rock, and metal btw..and my other friend is Christian as I am and Eric is what i would call a 'lukewarm' Christian (believes in Jesus but doesn't go to mass or practice his faith very deeply)

Thanks for any help! God bless

Samuel - 3/6/11 @ 8:13 PM

Keep praying, and I will too

Dance Mari, Dance. - 3/22/11 @ 3:37 PM

Ahh, i hope you made it through that. I hope this is alll taken care of. But if not, Just pray to god about it. I meann, i've been through that.. and i lost an AWESOME friend. He committed suicide.. ): Blahh, but doo allll that you can to prove to him what you are saying is true, or just be here for him through everything, and in the end of it all. that's all i can say. :P

Alex - 3/25/11 @ 5:30 PM

Its tough being caught in between two friends. All I can say to do is pray cause its the only thing that will lead you in the right direction. I will pray for you

Lex - 3/30/11 @ 4:03 AM

@Tyson-
Relax bro! No need to throw down harsh words! Everyone here is free to their own opinion, and this being a Christian website, it is important that our point of views be based on the firm foundation of His Awesome Word. So it is important for us to sharpen each other, as iron sharpens iron, if we see something that does not seem right, so long as it is done so in love! And notice that when iron sharpens iron, it is never one iron sharpening the other, but both to each other. So in other words, the feedback is important because you never know what He will allow you to gain from it.
Now concerning this girl; is it right for any Christian to judge her because of her habits of smoking pot or POSSIBLY, being as it is a rumor from my understanding, sleeping around? Of course not! As it is said in 1 Corinthians 5: 11-13, But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”
We really have no business in judging those outside of God’s grace, when it is our job to correct those inside with truth, love, and true concern for one another’s life in Christ.

PutHisBloodOnIt - 3/30/11 @ 5:58 AM

Wow Tyson just Wow is all I can say!

PutHisBloodOnIt - 3/30/11 @ 9:56 AM

Tyson who are you talking to? Lol

PutHisBloodOnIt - 3/31/11 @ 5:58 AM

Ouch! Your killing me here man! Why so hostile against me?

PutHisBloodOnIt - 3/31/11 @ 5:52 PM

Oh well that explains it!

Alex - 3/31/11 @ 7:02 PM

Dude this guy asked for help. Not to have someone come on here and make rude comments and against other christians. PHBOI is a great guy! He gives advice in a Godly way. This is ridiculous.

Alyssa Faith Mark. Rep - 3/31/11 @ 7:21 PM

I agree with Alex! You are being completely inappropriate!

@Kyle- All you can do is pray! You can't tell him to not see this girl, you just can't. :)

His girl - 3/31/11 @ 7:25 PM

Amen Lex!!

W0m@n0fG0d - 3/31/11 @ 9:03 PM

WOw well I don't know how this topic turned into this but......Just pray for him and for her. I will pray that God's will be done in their lives!!!

@PHBOI - You crack me up. I want to thank you for taking a stand for your relationship with God no matter what people might say and for always helping others.

@Alex- Amen Brother!!

Alex - 3/31/11 @ 9:12 PM

@Tyson
Dude whats your problem. If you needed something we would all be here for you and not criticize you like you have been everyone else. We do not judge it is not our place. I am not "crying about it" I am speaking the Gods honest truth and everyone seems to agree. Its not about who's right and who's wrong its about sticking together in a time when we need someone. And all of these people are amazing people they understand and if it hadn't have been for my wife telling me about this site. I would feel alone all the time. It isn't about being tough and standing alone with no emotion, its about your relationship with God and having the family you make through Him. May God Bless you Tyson!

Alex - 4/1/11 @ 12:08 PM

Yes I used to get baked when I was younger but not in this pic. In my picture I was annoyed with my sister taking pics, I was up all night with my son after work and school. No I'm not saying any of that against you and I didn't say you were I was speaking truth and no I was not judging. I didn't say you were tough and all that. I am not judging you. No I am not lonely if I didn't have God and my wife I would be. My wife is amazing and beautiful and also my best friend. And you dont even know the half of my life. But I have let it go. Again I never said you were the things you said I said you were. I did not judge I was trying to let you know a few things. I don't dislike you either. I have many friends offline, I have a life and I have work. my life is no longer sad. God Bless you

Alex - 4/1/11 @ 7:55 PM

Or maybe you need to just stop reading so much into things. This needs to stop. Its a misunderstanding and thats all.

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