Okay, so as far as sex goes, i have made the pledge to remain pure before marriage.. HOWEVER when it comes to relationships its hard to figure out the fineline of where is too far. I mean, girls and guys that are teenagers haveraging hormones so simple kissing can be turned into more.. so I almost dont trust myself to have that type of selfcontrol.. because most of the guys ive dated have the same morals as I do, but then push their limits with my morals.. i just don't get it. And if any of you have read, "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris you know that he and his wife waited til their wedding day to even kiss. It can be done, if they did it. So what do you think?
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37 replies on this topic
Japlace - 1/11/11 @ 5:02 PM
Kissing is how far it should go. NOTHING ELSE! lol.
And well, it sounds like you need to trust yourself! I know that sounds so juvenile, but before you should trust a guy you should trust yourself.
I wouldn't neccessarily say you have to restrict yourself from any physical contact (cuz humans NEED that! especially in a relationship) but you have to set (actually verbally say it to eachother) limits. And in my opinion that should be a kiss and a hug.
Stephanie - 1/11/11 @ 7:06 PM
Personally, I think kissing is fine, but definitely no further!
I agree with J that you need to set limits (and do so verbally).
Japlace - 1/11/11 @ 7:10 PM
snap! I just realized I said hug! I mean, sidehug!!! ;D (sorry Andrea, C28 inside joke)
tb - 1/11/11 @ 11:45 PM
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9.
Andrea, you're right to ask the question. Pray about it and see what the Lord gives you peace with. I can tell you, my wife and I got married in 2008, and in the months leading up to the wedding we stopped kissing completely. The reality is that kissing turned both of us on and we didn't want to mess up our relationship by falling into fornication. We had a good thing going and figured it wasn't wise to push the envelope. As a man, I can say it's hard to be as intimate as kissing and not go there mentally. But Jesus said it's sin to lust after a woman in my heart. We made the right choice for us. We were able to hold out til the honeymoon and God has been blessing our marriage every since. It worked for others we know too. I won't tell you what to do but will tell you that of all the couples I know who decided to pass on premarital kissing, I don't know anyone who's regretted that decision.
andrea statler - 1/12/11 @ 3:28 PM
Thanks for all of your feedback guys! its very appreciated! and as far as trusting myself goes, its not that I dont trust myself but in past relationships it has been my sole responsibility to uphold all of the self control in the relationship. That I would be the one always having to say no, because all of them tried to push their limits. And in the heat of a moment my guard is down, and without asking they just do what they want hoping I wouldnt say anything. And a couple of times that has happend and I have felt awful and guilty, and they always say "well Andrea you didnt stop me.. so...." and im like "I shouldnt have to!" if we have come up with a set of what is appropriate and what isnt, then I shouldnt have to say no, they should just know when to stop or if I am trying to push them, which I have been guilty of, they should tell me no and push me away and help me to come back to reality and be like this is what we agreed on.So.. its not so much not trusting myself its just holding too much responsibility of self control.. Does this make sense? (P.S hugs are a HUGE thing for me.. I love hugs more than kisses. so a brief sidehug is definitely what would get me the most)
O.0 - 1/12/11 @ 5:19 PM
Hmm...personally, I wouldn't want to do anything with a boyfriend (I'm a girl lol) that I would then feel funny about if I never married them in the end. So for me, I wouldn't even kiss. That would, one, probably go into something else anyway (not always, but you never know, and over time it might turn into something more), but two, I would feel really weird if I one day married someone else, and then thought back to when I once kissed that other person. Personally, I view dating as a consideration processes. To get to know the person if they are good for marriage, and specifically good for your marriage to be. I don't see how kissing or making out falls into that job of consideration. These are just my personal convictions. Hugging is a normal social thing you do with anybody, so a hug is fine I think. Holding hands is probably fine too, unless that causes you to want to do something you shouldn't lol. obviously that sort of thing depends on one's self control and thoughts about the other. if anything should cause you to do what you shouldn't then don't do it. Even if it just causes you to THINK it, make sure to stop! I wonder if quick kisses though like, on the cheek or head is fine, cause that seems like a social norm, like, relatives do that like they do a hug. But again, not if this causes a different reaction then a "hi" "hello" "nice to see you again" "we're friends" On another note, this made me think, what is a kiss? I mean, what does that mean to someone? Is it something that a dating couple should do? I know some people say this shows your affection for the other, but I'm pretty sure you can show your affection without a kiss. If you like each other that much chances are you'll get married and then you can kiss all you want lol. I dunno, but these are just my personal thoughts on the matter. I think you can have fun dating, as well as be considerate, responsible, and future-minded.... without making out (even slightly) :)
I agree with tb :)
Japlace - 1/12/11 @ 10:11 PM
Yes, that makes sense. You just have to pray and fast on the matter. Theres power in it, and when you make a sacrifice for God (a fast from something you desire) He will intercede into your life with blessing. In other words, seek and desire God above all, and He will give you the desires of your heart (which in this case it seems to be a boyfriend who is considerate, mindful and RESPECTFUL of your boundaries and limits, instead of his own) But anyway, I hope I'm being helpful, and not a nuisance! lol :)
And I agree with O.0 (who agrees with tb ;P)
*But also, like O.0 said, its (to an extent because sometimes to far is just morally too far) a personal thing. To some a peck on the cheek is absolutely unacceptable, but to others it is almost necessary.. We're all different HOWEVER we can't use that as an excuse to do whatever we want, since "we're all different". Naw saying?
O.0 - 1/13/11 @ 1:42 PM
And adding to what Japlace just said, though we're all different, we all must have God first and foremost. Anything crossing God's line is not right, like Japlace said, we're all different but we can't use that as an excuse. A peck on the cheek might be like a friendly hug for some, but if it's not, keep away from it. The line being drawn is established by what is Godly :) Just think about what God means for marriage, and how that relates to before marriage :)
Japlace - 1/13/11 @ 1:46 PM
^Exactly^
andrea statler - 1/13/11 @ 2:57 PM
Those are some powerdul perspectives there you guys! I couldn't agree more. My hardest thing for me is that I WANT to delight myself in the Lord because I know he will give me the desires of my heart. But im not so sure how to do that..
My desires are to become a wife and a mom, and raise my children in a loving God centered household, with a Husband who initiates Bible Time with the Family and prays over all of us. That is my longterm desire but im 17! I have alot of years to go before that can happen. and I have a bunch of othergoals I want to achieve before I settle down. But because I am so focussed on my desires of my heart, I haven't really known many ways to remain close to God on a spiritual level, you know?
PutHisBloodOnIt - 1/13/11 @ 3:22 PM
Your only 17? Dating should be one of you last priorities right now, in my opinion I wouldn't even date.
Japlace - 1/13/11 @ 4:55 PM
I know what you are saying. And I want that too! (cept vice versa lol) I want to be a Godly Husband and be the leader of a household, and uphold Gods statutes and commandments and also stand on His promises so He will bless my family. But, I only just turned 18. And at first I thought, "God, why are you giving me these desires when I'm so young!?" And you know what, He wasn't showing me and giving me these desires for that present time, but rather He was showing me what my future was.
He wants us to be happy, but He also wants us to worship and exalt HIM. And He sums up how to do BOTH of those in Psalms 37:4, "Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires."
I mentioned that Im 18. And something I had doubts about (this may or may not apply to this convo, but ima say it anyway! ;)) is that I never really thought I could make an impact in the world. Mostly because I was simply a kid. Sure I THOUGHT about changing the world, but I never believed it would happen. The one thing I want to become is to be a pure example for others. I realize that I have sinned and fell short of the glory of God, but through His sufficient grace He has given me life and a second chance. I never believed I could do that, and effect others in a truly powerful way, until I was given this Scripture:
"Let no one make little of you because you are young, but be an example to the church in word, in behaviour, in love, in faith, in holy living." - 1 Timothy 4:12
*EDIT. To further my last point: I want to be a pure example for others in word, in behavior, in love, in faith, and in holy living.
andrea statler - 1/13/11 @ 5:06 PM
I LOVE THAT VERSE!!!!! OMGoodness! its definitely one of my favorites! And I too, want to make a difference in the world. But because the world is so broad, I know I can impact the world through my actions on one person at a time. I feel like if I can impact one person in a HUGE way, it means more to me than going around the world and TRYING to impact EVERY SINGLE person.. you know what I mean? I love misson work and it truly is a way for me to express God's love in helping others, especially because we are servants of the Lord and the key word there is SERVE, that is our purpose as diciples of God.
And, thankfully I am not the only one with desires like these! Lol. I long for that one relationship where two people connect on a level so much deeper than most relationships of the "world" get to, which is a level of spirituality. Although my parents have been responsible in my upbringing in the church, we havent really , as a family, used God as our bond in our relationship. Do you get what Im saying? Its hard sometimes, because I do feel close to God, and I know my parents do too, but its never been a family thing, besides the weekly going to church. You know? And that is why I long for that sort of relationsip, and I know that its all in God's time, and I am patient, and will continue to be until He feels Iam ready to take on something so pecious.
Japlace - 1/13/11 @ 5:20 PM
Yup, I was actually going to say that! lol. Say that making the difference in one life can sometimes be more beneficially then going to change a million lives. To me its kinda like the Parable of the Lost Sheep: “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish."
Yeah, i know what you're saying. Maybe God is calling you to your family, then to more. I know sometimes where it seems like my family is so close that nothing can separate. But in times of trouble, it seems to be weakened. Those are the times where we cannot count ourselves short for our age. We can step up to the plate and provide words of encouragement to our family and essentially our parents. I always look to my parents for help, but at times THEY need that help, and we should fill that void (of course with the power of God using us to speak).
andrea statler - 1/13/11 @ 7:24 PM
Yeah, I was actually talking to my Dad about different ways that could be beneficial for a better overally living enviornment for Him, my mom and I, and unfortunately didnt get an opportunity to finish it, but your probably right.
What about you, whats your story? What things can I help you with, considering your advice has been helpful for me, I'd like to get to know you, (Im probably boring you anyway, lol!)
And you are very blessed to have a family who is so in tune with their relationship with God.
Japlace - 1/13/11 @ 8:13 PM
I am blessed, and God has blessed my family like you said. His mercies are new every morning! (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Nope, no boring.lol. Actually, I cannot recall one incident where I was bored while on this forum! :) it can be slow at times, but man, we have fun! God is good!
Hmmm, well...if you could, you can pray for my best friend Erin. She had surgery on her foot yesterday, and is starting to feel more pain (the nerve block they gave her for the surgery is wearing off). Any more prayers for her would be awesome!
andrea statler - 1/13/11 @ 8:20 PM
Even when I ask you to tell me about you, you humble yourself into using the time to ask for blessings upon someone else, now THAT is truly a genuine and godly gesture of a man I have never seen before.. Something tells me, that God will teach me alot of things through you, Josh. I look forward to getting to know you better as a brother of mine in Christ :)
and also am pumped for discussing the bible study themes with you every day as well!!
Japlace - 1/13/11 @ 9:00 PM
Thank you, but all the glory to God. I am simply His instrument, and I am blessed to be apart of the Kingdom of God. It amazes me how much mercy and grace He gives His people. We are so undeserving! Yet He continues to bless us.
Ya me to! I'm not on here everrrry day, but I will be reading the scriptures for sure! :) We need more peps to join the commitment!
Japlace - 1/13/11 @ 9:02 PM
Oh! I must ask, who told ya my name?! Was it Sarah?? lol. Its always Sarah, shes trouble! lol
andrea statler - 1/14/11 @ 4:24 AM
i dont recall how I found your name actually.. I tink it was a victoria maybe? i believe it was on a prayer board. Was I not supposed to know, or was it a secret? If you like, I can forget it and ask YOU what ur name is, lol. whats the story on that? r u just mmysteryman lol well i suppose in this case u would be japlace.