I want God to set me free of hurts so he can use me to reach out to the rejected/lonely/ and depressed..because I know what it''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''s like..and I want to be so on fire and passionate for God with his love so that people will be drawn to it and ask questions..I love people and have a heart for the broken/rejected people of this world
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. Isaiah 61:1
Alex My great uncle let me stay in his house rent free. It was a blessing but I refused to believe so. I cursed God every day for my life, wishing I would just die and not knowing how I would make it. A year went by and I had my grandparents and neighbors to watch him while I went to school. Trying to graduate to take better care of him. I remained in and out of juvie my whole teenagehood for very bad crimes. But that all changed once he was born I worked two jobs wherever I coul muster them. Whether it was mowing lawns weed-eating, etc. I turned 17 and met the love of my life online and she is now to be my wife. Through 2/3 of our relationship I had cursed God and kept my back turned to him. Courtney was very patient with me and stuck with me even when I didnt deserve it. The hardships got worse. I lost my son to leukemia and found out he was not mine but my best friends. That best friend died not 6 months later from suicide. Leaving my pregnant sister behind carrying his children. I stayed drunk and went missing from everyone. I cursed God and prayed he would kill me. I almost did. And all I could see were the people I loved that had been there through it all. Bad things just kept happening and I still cursed God even though I was still alive. One night a few months ago I had a dream that changed my life forever. And made me see what all he had done for me. I stopped drugs drinking smoking. I had aquired a closer relationship with my grandparents, found the love of my life, and had friends who have been there through it all. I told you that to tell you this, no matter how hopeless a situation or your life seems. God is always there whether you see Him or not. Even in the valley God is good. He will carry you even when you cant feel Him or tell He is there. God is there. He has a plan for all of us. We go through these trials and valleys to make us stronger. It is to test your faith and to make you stronger in God. Dont turn your back on God like I did. Please. You have me, Courtney, Sarah and all others on this site to be there with you through it all. You are never alone. Give it all to God and he will prevail. We are all here for you. Dont give in to this weary world, its temptations, or its evil. Give it to God. I hope you get on here to read this. There are still good people in this world, and only a few of them are here. God, touch this girl in every way that you have touched me. She needs you to move and to see your goodness. Take your child in your arms and give her comfort in a time where it is impossible because with you all things are possible. In Jesus name Amen.
2 Years Ago |
AlexHi Andrea Im Alex I want you to know a bit about me before I continue with my prayer. I had an abusive father that was also an alcoholic. When I turned 3 he and my mother both began raping me. My older brother tried to stop it as much as he could but it didnt stop it that often. It finally stopped after I turned 7 and threatened to kill them both. I grew up an angry confused boy. I fought day by day just to make it. I watched my brother die when I was almost 11. That was my second sense of loss after my innocence. I had been in church and a good christian boy sang in the choir and such. I wondered everyday why God would continue to let this happen to me. I slowly turned my back on God. When I turned 13 I began experimenting with drugs and drinking. Not only that I joined a gang looking for the sense of family I never had. My mothers boyfriends before hand had all abused me physically. I did things in that gang that I was not proud of. I lost my virginity that same year to whom I do still believe was Satans daughter/mistress and such. She cheated on me with my best friend and everyone in the gang and I was oblivious to it until later. She knew I was leaving her and said if she couldnt have me no one could. (I hate writing about her because it hurts me and I know how badly it hurts Courtney but I believe this is all relevent) So she turned up pregnant "miraculously" and blamed it on me. So I stayed with her hoping I would be the father mine never was. I was also scared I would be him. 5 months before I turned 16 she died in child birth giving birth to the most amazing baby boy in the world. I named him Ashton. I was out on the street working anywhere I could. I dropped out of the gang to take care of him. I asked friends and neighbors if they would let him sleep inside and I stayed out. By this time I had completely turned my back on God and refused to hear or speak his name unless it was to curse him. I spent the money I had to feed him and keep him clothed while I was continuing high school. I dropped out a year to take care of him not knowing if I would go back.
2 Years Ago |
Sarah32You still there sweetie? I know youre feeling hopeless but I still sense the tiniest ittiest bit of a thread of hope that wants to be made whole. I would love to tell you my own personal struggle with slef-injury, paralyzing anxiety, and the like. You are not alone, hun. There are many people who have debilitating anxiety, most simply keep it covered, or stow themselves away in their house- too afraid of the outside world. But I am here to say there is a way, and there IS hope. There is more I would love to share with you- pages upon pages!! Just drop your email address on my wall and I promise Ill tell you some more personal details. Details I wouldnt want to share on a public site!! Love YOU!!! And like I said before, I am willing to fight alongside you, dear.
2 Years Ago |
Sarah32If you could give me your email address, I would love it dear.<3 There are so many more things I would love to discuss with you, but it wouldnt be appropriate to talk about on a public site. Heres my email in case you ever need it, hun- email@example.com ((((((HUGS)))))) to you!! Im thinking about you and praying for you still, Angela. Im going to help you fight to get yourself well- if youll let me!! <3
2 Years Ago |
Sarah32Andrea, Ive been thinking about you and hoping youre doing well.<3 How are things?
Hi, Sarah. I still need to go see a counselor..I have just been really busy with dentist appointments that I havent had that time to go see one but it is probably a good idea to see one. The fear I have is emotional...I know that for sure because I grew up with an angry/alcoholic father that has never showed me affection or love so I dont know what love really is..no one has ever loved me in my life..I even feel like that within my family, like I am the black sheep of the family..I also have tried seeking God about stuff..pouring my heart out to him...but months go by and nothing happens..I know I am suppose to step out, and I have done that before..but where was God when I did step out and everything fell apart?..it is like he treats and feels the same way about me that other people have treated/hurt me..I feel so angry inside right now to the point where I do not want to live but then I am afraid to commit suicide because of the fear of hell although my life on earth is not any better and I feel like God does not care about me or love me, that all he cares about is popular people and shows favoritism and that I just dont exist. I feel so alone...that it almost seems like God does not exist. I do not understand why God created me to go through all the crap that i have to go through now and had to go through as a young kid. I feel like everywhere I go..people automatically dislike me, reject me and judge me for certain things such as not having a job, and other things. I feel so worthless, so rejected even by God, by men, by my own family..the only person that I feel has ever loved me is my mom but that is about it..and not having much love growing up, I struggle with being angry and not understanding why God can not give me a dad figure to love me or why he allowed me to grow up with an angry father that yelled a lot, and disciplined us for the stupidest reasons..and then to continue on through life having more people reject me( did he create me just to not be loved, to have people not love me?)..it doesnt help me..I self injure myself because I hate myself so much/the deep hurt that I carry inside and I dont understand why God doesnt heal me of my hurts because I have always had this deep desire to reach out to other hurting people with Gods love but now my picture of God and who he really is has faded and so have my spiritual hopes and dreams. I push myself away from men and God as well because I am scared of God..I dont understand why God would send me to hell if I comitted suicide because I have never had anyone that has loved me in my life and it seems like God cursed me when I was born..because it just seems like bad after bad thing happens to me..It almost seems like God must really hate me..and hes just like every other person that has rejected me. Right now I am trying to find a job, and I still live at home with my dad, and its hard because hes emotionally abusive and I want to be able to find a stable job, and to move out but I have to struggle with this uncontrollable intense emotional fear in the midst of all of this, and trying to find a job. It is really hard and it seems like no one understands my struggles with my deep fear. I dont understand why God doesnt set me free from this crippling fear in my life..because it is what is keeping me from so many things..it paralyzes me and I dont know how to get free from this paralyzing fear that I have..I also know too that when I use to be close to God, I was worshipping God in my room, and all of a sudden I had this random episode of strong paralyzing fear, that I felt so afraid to even move..and from that time on, I was afraid of kind of worshipping God in an intimate way and getting close to him so I know a lot of my fear stems from emotional pain but I cant understand why God doesnt heal that..there have been a lot of times where I have sought God but no answer..so God must heal others and ignore some..and just picks people out..I definitely do not see how he is that God he describes himself as in the bible because to me God is the opposite of what he says in the bible about himself.
Please pray for my mom to receive Gods healing for a struggle with the thoughts of her mind spiritually..and that shed be set free from her chemical imbalance and that God would show her how to just rest in his peace. Thanks. I also have another prayer request concerning that I struggle with thinking about food all the time..and when I eat I have a hard time stopping..food just seems to be in my mind all the time even when I am not hungry that I sometimes tend to eat when I am not hungry.
I have another prayer request thats really important to me. I want a close and growing relationship with God but sometimes I feel like its hard because I struggle with having bad thoughts in my mind such as I dont want to serve God or other spiritual stuff like that or other thoughts and sometimes I dont seem to control them as good as I could in the past and I am wondering if I have a mental problem or if its just me or if I had a spiritual breakdown one time because of having to go through a lot of stress and frustrated filled moments in my life by growing up with an alcoholic father and always feeling like I had to walk on egg shells around him but I also know I am a christian and I am filled with the holy spirit and I dont want to desire to sin or draw away from God(it just seems like I struggle so much spiritually and I dont know why)..and I also have emotional hurt from what I grew up with and I just want Gods healing in my life and I want him to set me free soo desperately from my emotional hurts and my mind..because I have always wanted to be so on fire for God, and to be filled with his love that other people would see something different in me, be drawn to that, and ask questions about it..so that people would be drawn towards God, the real thing because I have a heart for broken people and I sometimes feel like I am close to God and then I allow myself to go back away from him again and I want to be set free from all of this with which would hold me back from having a growing and close relationship with God. Im desperate. Thanks to all who commits to pray! It means a lot to me to have other godly and mature people to support me in prayer! :-D
Original Prayer Request (posted 3 Years Ago): I recently moved in with an old bible study leader and its been hard because it seems like she picks on me a lot if I dont do something right and I accidently broke her shower head and I am worried that she will get really mad at me and kick me out and I cannot deal with that right now because my dad is an alcoholic and I dont want to have to move back home so please pray that she will be understanding that it was an accident and that her attitude towards me would change. I feel really bad about it already.