Ok, so if you are anything like me and you really havent gotten accustomed to this whole "dating thing", the book that I'm going to tell you about will definitely shed some light on some questions that may help you, like it helped me :) and really understand what dating is all about. :) So, Im just going to do an overview of the prologue and first chapter because they really gave me a "slap-me-in-the-face WAKEUP CALL" as well as other chapters. But as I kept reading it made more and more sense to me how this dating thing is supposed to work (for our benefit). More than likely you WONT agree with what is said in just the prologue and first chapter, trust me I didn't either! But as I kept reading the rest of the chapters in the book it actually ended making sense. **NOTE**the reason im not doing the whole book is because if you want more, go out and get it!! :) and because as I was writing I got pretty carried away and my summarys had more detail than they probably should haveso without further adue(sp?), let me get started :)
By: Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco
Prologue (summary): PASSION
This part was one of the most important parts of the book, it was discussing how passion isn't JUST something in the context of being sexual, everyone has a passion, a drive, something that you've been blessed with the ability to do well at."Passion is fuel. When contained and used properly, its the fuel that propels unimagineable feats. But with that same passion, when used carelessly or for selfish endeavors, is explosive. The desires you have deep inside you can propel you to greatness or destroy your life in a single spark." God has given each one of us a passion and it has NOTHING to do with relationships. Its something we want to do and that we have to do. It could be writing, music,painting but everyone's desire cannot be ignored. But so often we are too focussed on someone else (A bf/gf, crush etc..) to be able to explore our gifts, talents and goals for ourselves. And lastly, "Don't let your plans get distracted by the search [or confinement] of love."
Chapter 1: It will NOT last
Yep, you read right. The relationship you're involved in will NOT last. I know alot of you that have had bfs/gfs for a long time and you're SOOOO in love but, it won't last.Regardless of how driven you are towards your own goals while being involved in a serious relationship, one will be sacrificed, it will be your goals or your bf/gf (REMEMBER: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR TEEN DATING YEARS, NOT YOUR MARRIAGE LATER IN LIFE)
"Here's some of the hardcore issues, and solid truths: Truth: Just because you date someone doesn't mean you will marry them. Truth:Your dating expereince will help shape your married life. Truth: You will date several people before you get married. TRUTH: Your spiritual beliefs have an impact on your dating life.accepting that these teenage relationships won't last actually makes the short term relationships more valuable because you KNOW that they will end, so you savor the time that you have with them more. When you accept the truth that it WON'T last the pressure is off. Alot of lives are destroyed because of pressure to make the realtionship work.. If you believe that the relationship is meant to be then you will do stupid things to keep it going, THAT IS THE TRUTH." By knowing a relationship will eventually end, you reduce your amount of expectation for the relationship saving you from a lot of hurt when the relationship comes to an end. Here's a spiritual perspective: "God knows that if we get too caught up in the chasing, catching and hanging onto a crush we stop growing [in our relationship with HIM]." He wants to give you the desires of your heart, but can't because you have come to idolize your boyfriend or girlfriend (Wasn't the very first commandment to not put any other god or idol before God??) "Dating is supposed to be fun!. But we invest so much energy in trying to make it "workout" that it sucks all the fun out of dating. If we let go, and understand that its a short term dating thing, then we can get the most out of it. We learn about ourselves in the process and about others. We experience a crazy fun part of life and we don'get destroyed in the process, worrying why he didn't call or that she was talking to one of her guy friends.. We end up stronger, happier and we figure out the qualities that we like and don't like so when it comes time for marriage and really searching for the one we know the flaws that we can and cant handle in a significant other. NOTE: alot of this has been geared towards girls.. why? Because guys don't jump into a relationship thinking its going to last, as in married, forever, amen. Sure he may say it will last forever but its because it will seem like forever to him. Throughout a great relationship girls are pondering weddings, and your future together, laughing and grabbing eachother's arms and spinning around and around like a cheesy movie.. Guys however are thinking of THEIR own future, singular.. not plural, what he wants to do with HIS life. Even if you decide to go to the same college, you still aren't the biggest factor in his life. (And asking him if this is true will NOT clear things up, He will tell you what you want to hear (see Chapter Guys Will Lie to You to get what they Want) This doesn't mean guys are jerks and girls are great. Guys and Girls are wired differently which puts a big communication barrier between each sex. Its not that he doesn't mean it, its just that he doesn't mean it THE WAY GIRLS INTERPRET IT. Example: A guy says, "I feel so different when I am with you" a girl's interpretation: "I complete him, Im his other half that makes him whole. We're a perfect fit. He cares for me just as much as I care for Him.. we are meant for eachother." Guys you know that that interpretation is NOT what you mean when you say that. Notice, Guys mean what they say, they just don't mean it IN THE WAY GIRLS INTERPRET IT. "Now, GUYS you need to understand where girls are coming from, they're wired to be the home-builders, give birth nurture and protect her family, which makes them search for the perfect home, perfect provider and perfect husband Its just the way she's wired. Girls build their lives on the words that guys say which is why guys, you need to be cautious what you say because girls attach strings to things. Choose your words carefully and dont exagerate. The guy is in charge of the relationship. You can't let it blown out of this "forever and ever" thing. Be careful with her heart . Protect it like a mighty warrior. Don't let anyone damage it, not even you.
For you guys who are reading this saying: "That's not me! I think its going to last because I love her! She is the one, I love the way I feel when I'm with her!" I get that. You FEEL like it will last forever. This is the feeling of: Can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars,over the fence, world series kind of thing (IT TAKES TWO REFERENCE!! :)) sweaty palms, butterflies and what have you.. FYI: THIS ISN'T LOVE. "Its someone else besides your mother thinking you are cool. And its an amazing feeling. But don't confuse the FEELING with LOVE. "Love isn't sweaty palms and sleepless nights. its a DECISION you make to care for someone no matter how you feel. If they are disfigured in an accident or throwing up for hours on end, you will still love them. This is REALLY IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND. If youre in a relationship right now its a sign of acceptance and that you are special to someone else. Someone who doesn't have to care about you does, Lets not bash that. Its a part of what gives you confidence and makes life exciting. But it isn't love. ENJOY the acceptance of a non family member but remember its not love YET. Its a great feeling you can enjoy for now. Don't worry . You WILL find that someone that God has designed for you, you will find that soul connection you desire, were just talking about your teen dating years. The rules change when marriage comes into play. But until then, remember it will not last.
**The quotes are direct or paraphrased** My thoughts are intertwined with this summary but majority of it has come from my thoughts AFTER reading the entire book. If you want to know or read more I do suggest this as a future purchase, for every christian hormonal teenager or college student.
If you want to know about the dating approach from a Biblical standpoint, I suggest this:
This is something that many will probably hate, disagree with, and call legalism (It's not really legalism because legalism is putting traditions before the things of God rather than God, like the Pharisees in the Bible did), but it is true. It's not about what we like or want... It's about what God desires. Forgive me for being blunt, but I say this out of love. After watching this, whether you dismiss it or accept it, honestly pray about it, and think about what the video was talking about.
I will tell you, some of the things he says are not necessary but they can really help to avoid problems in the future (for an example, the man asking the father of the girl's hand in marriage, etc.)